Relationship Mistakes
and How to Avoid Them

1. “There’s only ‘us’ now.”

If you keep repeating this phrase like a mantra then, at some point, at least one of you will lose the ability to think differently. In any relationship (both romantic and friendly), it’s crucial to realize that each party is an individual with their own baggage of life experience and patterns of behavior. The differences between the partners begin to appear gradually. But the deep conviction that you’ll be understood without words remains and causes problems over time.

2. “Like it or not, I’ll change you.”

On the one hand, adult life calls for adult rules, and some of these rules dictate strict intolerance of the mistakes of others. For instance, in a working relationship, no one will waste time rehabilitating a slacker – it’s faster to replace them with a responsible worker. But when it comes to our loved ones, we often have double standards. Some of the partner’s traits may be annoying or even intolerable, and yet we hope to fix them. Typically, such attempts backfire. In romantic relationships, there’s a principle of an adequate response. If you actively protest against your partner’s habits or traits, they’ll most likely return the favor by criticizing you. Remember that you’re a companion, not a parent, and the right to teach and change must be earned.

3. Control freak.

The craving for total control serves no benefit and points at flaws in a person’s emotional background. Controlling people are prone to blackmail and manipulation. It’s a tricky game where one partner tries to “reshape” the other without changing their own habits and beliefs. In a controlling relationship, it’s common when one partner is criticized for texting a co-worker, while the other sees nothing wrong with hopping from one dating site to another. In some cases, the desire for control is a way to fill the inner void.

4. I’m a victim.

You’ve been looking for love for so long, you value this relationship more than anything and you’re terribly afraid to lose it. The reason for that may be a stressful experience or negative childhood experience. The problem is that you hide your needs and aspirations deep inside, essentially devaluing yourself. Over time, everything you used to keep so carefully hidden bursts out, bringing a sense of guilt. When there’s some form of abuse in a relationship, the partner will successfully manipulate you, pursuing personal interests. It won’t take long until you demand payback for all your sacrifices. And when that moment comes, you’ll both have no idea of what’s happening: you won’t be able to convey your needs correctly, and your partner will struggle to understand what you want from them. When this problem appears in a relationship, tension and irritation build up, resulting in alienation.

5. The fight for power.

Relationship development and changes for the better are impossible without compromise. A compromise isn’t about the fact that one of you gives up, secretly considering your point of view the right one. A compromise is a worthy and equal dialogue, honest interaction, and a joint search for mutually beneficial options.

Your fight for dominance may stem from your past relationships. You’re trying to take what you haven’t received from an ex-partner, and this is borderline selfish.

6. Too much to handle.

In addition to our personal life, we have to deal with various other cares and interactions: relationships with friends and loved ones, work, and so on. All these connections are essentially no less important and occupy a huge place in our lives. You can’t cast them aside when embarking on a romantic journey. It takes a lot of moral strength and time to maintain and develop multiple relationships. At some point, you may grow tired of this hard work, and, instead of love and joy, you begin sharing stress with your partner. Unfortunately, this creates fertile soil for conflict.